Gomez has written a play for the Family to celebrate Wednesday's birthday. Cousin Itt, Fester and Lurch all want to be the hero. Cousin Itt is brilliant as the hero, Claude, much to Fester's disgust, he wanted the role. Now all they need is a director, so Gomez decides to hire a professional. Erich von Bissell, who wants to rekindle his faded career, and thinks the play beneath him until Gomez offers $50,000. Meanwhile, Fester locks Itt in a chest so he can play the hero, Fester is in turn locked in the iron maiden by Lurch, who also wants the role. When Itt is freed, von Bissell refuses to work with him, especially when he hears Itt's voice. Offended, Itt hides up the chimney. Morticia coaxes him down and works on improving his voice. Itt slows his speech down to reveal a deep baritone, which von Bissell adores. Itt now gets airs and won't do a silly amateur play. Morticia is appalled and tries in vain to get the old Itt back. Gomez brings over producer Sam Detrick, who wants Itt to b

On Morticia and Gomez's thirteenth wedding anniversary, Morticia tells the children a bedtime story of how she and Gomez met. Gomez was supposed to marry her sister, Ophelia (also played by Carolyn Jones). Gomez was 22, and a hypochondriac. Grandmama invited Ophelia and her mother, Mrs. Frump, over. Ophelia is a blonde, sweetly good-natured and with a habit of strewing daisy petals everywhere. Gomez is unimpressed, but when her younger sister Morticia arrives, it's love at first sight. She has Kitty and Cleo with her. Mrs. Frump insists that Ophelia the older sister, marry first, but Gomez hates her. She's no only too bright and cheery, but also a judo expert with; penchant for flipping Gomez. Using judo, Ophelia forces Gomez to propose to her. Morticia goes to Gomez, who is playing with his train set, and tries to congratulate him. They blow up trains together. Morticia is obviously the one for him. When she speaks French it inflames his blood and Gomez is convinced. But what are they

Wednesday and Pugsley refuse to go to sleep until they are told the rest of the story of their parents' romance. Plans for Gomez and Ophelia's wedding continue. When Fester arrives, he's astonished to find that anyone wants to marry Ophelia, but then learns the truth. He decides that the perfect solution is to have Cousin Itt marry Ophelia, so Gomez can have Morticia. Ophelia is a fan mysteries, and no one is more mysterious than Cousin Itt! She's quite entranced with Itt. Meanwhile Gomez tries to hide in the tunnel under the house. Morticia finds him and forces him to talk to Ophelia. Gomez explains that he can't marry her, and to his surprise Ophelia doesn't care, she's smitten with Cousin Itt Gomez then proposes to Morticia, who accepts. The wedding continues, with a different bride than planned. Ophelia literally throws over Cousin Itt, he's too much of a playboy for her.

Princess Millicent von Schlepp, (who is actually Aunt Millie from Iowa) arrives for a visit in her sedan chair. She's a snob, even though her husband squandered all her money but oil stocks. She has a literal handmaiden, Lady Fingers, a hand that Thing falls desperately in love with. Millicent insists that they spruce up the place, and dress accordingly. Fester the Jester is not amused. They finally can take no more, and take her to a hotel. Oil is discovered on her property and she's rich again. Morticia is relieved that she's gone, and will give no more orders: 'The Addams Family is a democracy again. Thing is depressed, missing Lady Fingers. Gomez agrees to invite Millicent back. but Millicent has fired Lady Fingers and hired a new maid, Esmeralda, another disembodied hand. Thing goes missing, and Millicent discovers one of her bracelets has been stolen. She thinks Thing is guilty, but Gomez proves Esmeralda is the thief: Thing retums with Lady Fingers. The two are engaged. Millicen

Gomez is insulted by his latest tax bill, which is only $84, and complains to the mayor Henson. Mayor Henson misunderstands and offers him a rebate, convincing Gomez and Morticia that he's incompetent. Morticia convinces Gomez to run for office, so Fester gets out Wizzo (their computer) to help with political questions. Unlike Henson, Gomez won't lie and cheat, and the reporter who interviews him discovers Gomez has odd views, such as aiming to preserve picturesque slums. The Mayor challenges Gomez to a TV debate, which Gomez wants to weasel out of, but then gets utterly preoccupied with. Morticia is distraught and tries to get him to quit. When that doesn't work, she tries to convince people not to vote for Gomez, but her efforts all backfire. Gomez is about to be elected, but is disqualified on a technicality, which makes everyone happy again, especially the Mayor.

Cousin Itt is shedding hair, and the family is worried that he'll lose his great good looks along with his hair. Fester gets out his chemistry set to produce a batch of hair restorer and prevent a disaster.

It's Halloween, and Moticia is seen sharpening Gomez's knife. Gomez takes the knife, and starts to carve Uncle Fester's likeness. Uncle Fester is posing for a sculpture. He comments ""I like to pose- it's so artistic!"". Gomez reveals his masterpiece- a jack-o-lantern carved to look ""exactly"" like Uncle Fester. Then, it's time for the halloween festivities; Gomez and Fester bob for apples on opposite sides of a seesaw. Gomez then answers the doorbell, making Fester fall into his bucket of apples, and win automatically. The prize? A kiss from Morticia (she had planned it for Gomez). Gomez returns, saying it was Pugsley and Wednesday practicing their trick-or-treat routine. Morticia realizes they have nothing to give to the children. Gomez suggests a walrus tusk each. Morticia says ""No, darling, it's halloween."" Gomez says ""2 walrus tusks?"" Morticia says they want little goodies, so Gomez and Lurch use the guillotine to prepare some bite-size salamander sandwiches. Gomez and M

Morticia disapproves of the books the children are assigned from school, since they portray giants, goblins and ghouls as the bad guys. She sets up an office in a cave and starts writing better stories such as 'The Good Giant Slays Sir Lancelot' and 'Cinderella, The Teenage Delinquent'. Gomez is worried because she seems so obsessed and is afraid he'll lose her to her work. She asks him to send her story to Demon Press (she likes the name), and Gomez agrees to Fester's suggestion to change it and make it unprintable. When he does, though, Boswell, the publisher, arrives , thinking Morticia is a genius. He asks for $5,000 to publish the book, convincing Gomez he's a con artist. Gomez gives him $10,000 to get rid of him. Morticia returns to work, on Goldilocks next: 'Trust a blonde to bring on trouble.' Gomez discovers that Boswell was for real, and Morticia' s book is selling like crazy becoming the standard work for schools. When she reads it, though, she's appalled: the witches are ba

Morticia wants to do something to add to life artisticaily, so she decides to take up sculpting. Lurch carries in a huge rock for her and she sets to work. Three months later, Fester still isn't impressed, so Gomez calls in art critic Swain for an informed opinion. He suggests blowing the sculpture up, and Gomez has to hide this opinion from Morticia. He decides that the best way out of this is to get someone to buy it, and hires Sam Picasso (last seen in episode 14) to do the deed. Sam Picasso and Morticia instead decide to sponsor starving artists. Gomez is driven to distraction (and near-bankruptcy) by this, as Morticia neglects everything to concentrate on her work. Then she finds the children making fudge and is horrified. She decides she's been neglecting them and gives up sculpture. Gomez is more than happy, because he's been feeling neglected also, and Tish promises to make it up to him.

Pugsley is all melancholic because he's in love with his teacher, Miss Dunbar. Gomez tries to cheer him by buying him a pneumatic drill, but Pugsley already has one. Pugsley tries to write a love letter, but he can't get it right, so he copies one of his father's old ones to his mother. He then sends the love letter to his teacher, Miss Dunbar. She's horrified and goes to visit Pugsley's father. Naturally, Gomez knows the letter by heart and she thinks he sent it. The shy and mousey Miss Dunbar is charmed and attracted to Gomez and attacks him. Gomez tries to put her off, without success. Fester sees him in a compromising position with Miss Dunbar and tells him, 'I don't know about you, but I come from a long line of stool-pigeons.' He tells Morticia, who confronts Gomez. Gomez explains that he's only wooing Miss Dunbar to show her she is an attractive woman and can get a man of her own. He's afraid to reject her because it might damage her self-esteem. Morticia doesn't buy it, and is

It is aunt Abigal Quincy Adams (spelled with one D, she is one of the one d's as Gomez puts it).

After a large meal, Gomez gets sleepy. That night, he sleepwalks, and when he returns doesn't get up till four in the afternoon. The news is filled with the story of a cat burglar on the loose. He sleep-walks again that night, and the cat burglar strikes again. Fester stands guard, but falls asleep, and the Family is worried. Fester and Morticia find the stolen loot in their basement, and are afraid Gomez is the cat burglar sought by the police. They have to keep him from going out. Grandmama realizes that her yak stew is what's making him sleep-walk, and Morticia hypnotizes Gomez to find out why he's stealing. He's been reading about Robin Hood, and has been influenced to imitate him. Morticia wants to use hypnosis to cure him, but speaks French and he awakens. They lock him in the basement, but he escapes, returning at three a.m. with more loot. The others waken him and he realizes what he's been doing and is aghast. This time, though, the police have followed him. To prevent them fr

Strife magazine calls to tell Gomez that they're sending a photographer round. He thinks he's been chosen their Man of the Year. Morticia wants to supply her own picture of Gomez for the cover, but Cleopatra eats her favorite photo of Gomez. The photographer who took it is now out of business, so Fester volunteers to take a new one. When this doesn't come out properly Gomez retreats to the chandelier in despair. Morticia tracks down the photographer, and discovers he's now taking photos for drivers' licenses. All they need is for Gomez to apply for his license - but he can't drive. Lurch has to teach him, but when Gomez takes his test he terrifies the examiner. He can't understand why Gomez even wants a license. When Gomez explains, the examiner tells him that the photographer was fired anyway. Back to square one (and having given up driving) Gomez has Morticia paint his portrait. The photographer from Strife arrives, but he wants to photograph the house, chosen Spookiest House of the

There's a letter for Gomez from Camplona, Spain - an old family friend, Don Xavier Francisco de la Mancha Molines is coming to visit. Don Xavier's daughter, Consuela, is getting married and has assumed it's to Gomez. They arrive with her Duenna, and Morticia catches onto the problem. She thinks Gomez is two-timing her or building up a harem. She goes to Itt for advice and he suggests using psychology. Gomez hires flamenco dancer Senior Cardona to entertain his guests, and the dancer and Consuela fall for one another. Gomez is still oblivious of everything until Don Xavier announces that he is betrothed to Consuela. Gomez naturally refuses to marry her. Don Xavier is insulted and challenges Gomez to a duel. During the fight, Thing prevents Don Xavier from running Gomez through, and Gomez accidentally brings the chandelier down on Cardona. Consuela is upset and announces that she's going to marry the dancer. Everything is resolved and everyone is happy once more.

Uncle Fester is chosen to slide down the chimney dressed as Santa Claus to prove the existence of St. Nick to the children. Fester gets stuck in the chimney, so Gomez, Lurch, Cousin Itt, and even Morticia and Grandmama each don a red suit and appear to the children.

Fester gets a letter from another of his pen-pals, Diana the bearded lady. Overcome with emotion, he proposes to her by mail. Morticia is worried about him and poses as Diana's mother (complete with beard) to try and talk him out of it. She accuses him of being unable to support her 'daughter', so Fester decides he has to get a job. He enrolls in a correspondence course in business and starts getting into it. He gets very aggressive and hones his bargaining ability. He impresses Logan with his skills and is offered a job. Meanwhile, worried, Gomez calls in a psychiatrist, Dr. Brown, to help cure Fester. When Logan comes to see Fester, Gomez thinks he's the psychiatrist and that he's trying to take Fester off to an institution. Gomez manages to get rid of Logan, and Fester decides he's had enough of work and gives up on his plans to marry. When the real Brown arrives he thinks Fester's crazy, but the Family thinks he's cured.

The children are bored. THey ask if they can go out to play, but Morticia absolutely forbids it; the weather is bright and sunny! Dreadful weather, if you're an Addams. Then, Granmama comes in, and comes up with the perfect solution to the children's boredom; She invites them to come watch her wrestle the alligator. THe children are reluctant at first, so Granmama offers to do it in the quicksand, and they happily oblige. Morticica comments on how Granmama is spoiling the children; she's been letting Pugsley sleep with his tarantula, she lets them sit on her back when she does pushups, ""And I KNOW she's been telling them where I keep the yak fudge!"". Then, they hear a knocking. They answer it, and Uncle Fester falls into Gomez's arms, carrying a big crate. Morticia demands to know what Fester was doing out there in this dreadful weather. Fester explains that they were clear out of dynamite, which he has in the crate! Now, they're both convinced that Fester and Grandmama are sp

Pugsley has been exercising, much to his parents' disapproval. Fester gets a letter from his French pen-pal, Yvette, who is coming to visit. He decides he has to get into shape, with the help of TV fitness guru Jack La Grann. Gomez and Morticia can't understand why he's doing this and think he's ill. They call in Dr. Motley, who panics at some of the results when he tests Fester and flees. When Fester accidentally hypnotizes himself in an attempt to get fit, Morticia uses the opportunity to question him. She comes to the conclusion he wants to become an astronaut. NASA isn't amused when she tries to talk them out of employing Fester, since they have no idea what's going on. Fester uses a mummy case as a steam bath to lose weight, and explains about Yvette. When she arrives, she's rather overweight and jilts Fester because he's too skinny!

In the attic the Family discovers Great-Grandfather Pegleg' s old sea chest. There's a treasure map in it. Gomez explains that Pegleg was buried at sea with 'full military honors - handcuffed, blindfolded, dropped off a plank'. Morticia wants to search for the treasure, but half the map is missing, so the first search is for the rest of the map. When Gomez finds it they charter a boat from Captain Grimby and his mate, Mr. Brack. Grimby becomes infected with greed, especially when Gomez offers him $200,000 for the charter. The sailors try to steal the map, but Fester walks in on them. They torture him to make him open the safe, but he enjoys that. He only gives them the combination when they stop. The safe is booby-trapped, and they're scared off. Also in the safe is a code book for the map. When they check it, it turns out that the treasure is buried under the house, not at sea. They dig up the treasure chest. They open the chest snd find that its filled with chocolate gold pieces.

Ophelia needs help with her latest romance. She met Horatio Bartholomew at a Lonely Hearts' Club, and Grandma Frump objects to him. Gomez and Morticia both think he's a phony, and try to convince Itt to marry Ophelia instead. She won't listen to them, and prefers Grandmama's opinion because Grandmama likes him. Horatio claims to have studied at Heidelberg. Gomez decides to test Horation and fences with him, and loses. He also loses at cards to him. Morticia tries to prove he's a ladies' man by flirting with him, but he rejects her for Ophelia. Then Gomez discovers that Horatio is actually the second richest man in the world and not a phony after all. He tries to make up for his suspicions by teaching Horatio Zen yoga, but Horatio hates it. Ophelia decides that this means he's unsuitable and breaks up with him. Itt reappears, having decided he'd like to marry Ophelia, and she carries him off. Nobody is too surprised, however, when she breaks off that romance as well.

Pugsley wants some money and offers to work for it. This horrifies his parents, Addams don't work! They agree to let him work to teach him a lesson. Pugsley tries to get a job at the hospital, helping Dr. Bird with operations, but is thrown out. Then he sees Mr. Glenville at the bank and tries counting cash in a bank vault, which gets thrown out again. Next Pugsley tries to work at a funeral home, only to discover it's merely the front for a bookie joint run by Bennie. Pugsley convinces Wednesday to join him and they offer to trim hedges, wash the car and clear the attic for the Hensons (who should know better by now). Mr. Henson convinces them to do all the work for fifty cents. But when he checks on their work, the hedge is cut into hideous creatures, the car was washed by filling it with soap and water and the attic isn't merely cleared, it's gone. He threatens to sue Gomez, who threatens a counter-suit for exploiting the kids. Mr. Henson apologizes quickly, and Gomez buys his ruine

Annoyed by not being asked to contribute to a charity drive, Gomez decides he'll build his own old folks' home. Meanwhile, Granny Frump's birthday is coming up and she's been invited over. Gomez and Morticia plan to send her to a beauty spa, but Pugsley thinks she's heading for the retirement home. Fester thinks that's a good idea, but reluctantly suggests that she should make herself too useful to be sent away. Granny tries hard, but she overdoes it and upsets Lurch by stealing his chores. Wednesday tries to cheer her up by suggesting she act young. Granny overdoes that, too, dressing and acting like a child. Gomez and Morticia think she's cracked up, and call in Dr. Jonley to examine her. Fester discovers the truth and explains to Granny - who then mistakes Jonley for the beautician and insists on being taken away. She enjoys the mental hospital for a while, but leaves when they won't give her a perm.

Morticia is caught up in the National Beautification Program and decides to become a decorator. Their new neighbors are the Digbys, and he's an insurance salesman. Gomez asks him to insure their art collection for a million dollars, and invites him to visit with his wife. They're taken aback by the Addams's house, and Mrs. Digby explains that they have to decorate their home. Morticia offers to help, and Mrs. Digby faints. Once the insurance papers are signed, Mrs. Digby claims she can't afford to use Morticia, thinking that will end matters. The Family feels sorry for the neighbors and order Lurch to take over a few decorating items. Fester disapproves and tries to sabotage this by substituting a genuine antique desk he loathes. Mrs. Digby thinks she's misjudged Morticia and asks her to do the rest of the house. Morticia complies, turning the garden into a desert, the house into a jungle and the basement into a swimming pool by flooding it. Mrs. Digby faints again. Morticia likes the

Ophelia is still having problems getting a man. As Gomez observes: 'In the school of romance, I'm afraid she's just a drop-out'. Ophelia's latest beau, Montrose, has left her (the sixth this year), for the Peace Corps. Fester decides to help her by joining the Peace Corps to enable him to look for Montrose. When Fester takes the exam the and returns him home. The family gets the news that the Peace Corps does not want Fester. They dare not break this news to Fester, who' s keen on his plan, so they try convince him to stay. Gomez pretends he's lost all his money and needs help, so Fester will stay. Morticia claims to need inspiration from Fester for her paintings, so he dresses as an angel and suspends himself from the roof. Ophelia is still pining for Montrose, who has quit the Corps and returns to her.

The school principal threatens to expel the children after they've been playing with dynamite caps. Morticia hears that Sam Hilliard, former truant officer, is now running a private school, Mockridge Hall. She wants to get the children enrolled. Mockridge Hall is strapped for cash and Mr. Hilliard can't turn Gomez's offer of $10,000 tuition. When Pugsley and Wednesday bring their pets to school, he expels them. Gomez thinks he's' cracked under the pressure of the money problems and he buys the school to run it properly. He renames it Addams Hall and Mr. Hilliard resigns immediately, so Morticia persuades Gomez to take over. The parents of the other pupils insist that Mr Hilliard return or they'll take their children out. Morticia is touched by their loyalty to Mr. Hilliard (actually, they're terrified of Gomez). Gomez brings him back with a promise not to interfere. Wednesday and Pugsley decide they prefer their old school, and return there.

Kitty Cat seems to have a loss of appetite. At first, they suspect that he's just lonely, and try to find him a wife. However, Cousin Itt tells them that Kitty Cat may just have a cold. With that, Gomez calls Dr. Mbogo, the family witch doctor. He requests a house call, but Dr. Mbogo refuses; Kitty Cat's father ate his father! THen, they call a vet. However, he becomes scared to death of Kitty Cat (I don't blame him), so the Addamses try to get his confidence back, by treating other family members. He ""cures"" Uncle Fester and Cousin Itt, and even Cleopatra, but he runs when asked to treat Thing. Then, Grandmama tells them that the loss of appetite was due to Pugsley already feeding him!

Morticia is afraid that they are overworking Lurch, so Gomez builds him a robot assistant. Lurch doesn't like 'Smiley until he realizes he's now the Head Butler. He then has Smiley do all of the work in his stead. The problem is Smiley is too strong, and this causes all kinds of complications, and he simply can't cook. Gomez begins wishing he'd never had this particular bright idea, since Lurch has stopped working. They decide to cure him by telling him! he's no longer needed and he can take a long rest. Lurch is now worried, because he likes his job, and he's afraid he's been replaced. Thing suggests sabotaging Smiley. When Gomez rings for Smiley, Lurch appears, with a wrench, to announce that Smiley has resigned...

Morticia has a new flame thrower, which Fester tests, setting their polar bear on fire. They make a claim to their insurance company, infuriating Mr. Henson the manager. His clerk, Joe Digby, had forgotten to cancel the Family's coverage. Digby is in a quandary as Gomez wants the bear replaced, but he can't find one big enough. Mr. Henson, furious, he has Fester re-enact the accident, and then fires Mr. Digby. Gomez feels sorry for the clerk and decides to help him by opening his own insurance company. The Family will be his staff, and they will specialize in covering people conventional insurance rejects. When their first client arrives, Fester gives him a medical exam that almost breaks his leg. Grandmama uses her crystal ball to work out his life expectancy and reveals him to be Mr. Henson in disguise. Gomez threatens to remove all his companies' insurance from Henson's firm, and Henson is faced with the staggering loss has to back down and rehire Digby. Digby manages to replace the

Morticia's old school chum Tiny Trivia arrives for a visit. She's into show-biz and very theatrical. Lurch fails for her, but she has no time for him. Wednesday tries to teach Lurch modern dance to help him snare Trivia, but that's a failure. Fester offers Lurch advice about women, which merely discourages Lurch, and he decides to kill himself. Gomez tries to help out by writing a suicide note, but Lurch changes his mind and decides to live. Morticia suggests serenading Trivia, this too ends in failure. Grandmama suggests a love potion. The love potion worked too well, and Trivia attacks Lurch, and then Gomez. The potion just makes her insatiable for all men. Fester tries to explain, but she goes for him next, and then Itt. Finally, the potion wears off, and she returns to normal. Lurch is glad to see her leave. Grandmama can't understand what went wrong, but will test the potion on herself next.

Ophelia arrives in tears as usual, as she's been jilted again. Morticia thinks she should take up a career to distract her from her bad track record with men. Chemistry is a failure, so Cousin Itt offers to teach her singing. This doesn't work too well, and she sings like he talks. Gomez hires Signor Bellini to help with the effort. He gets furious with her and thratens to quit. Ophelia tries singing choral music, in a chorus of voices she is fabulous, which stuns Bellini. Six months later, she's audition ing for Signor Rudoipho, the great impresario. Fester tries to calm her nerves by giving her a throat tonic, which ruins her voice. Morticia tries to console her sister by writing a new opera for her, 'Afternoon In A Swamp'. Ophelia tries singing again and even cuts a record, which she sends the Family. She now has a two-tone voice.. . alto and bass.